Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Process of Unbelieving Lies

Who I want to be, or wish I were is not who I am. That is a mouthful. I wonder if that is the general condition of womanhood or is it just me who feels that way.

I have been putting off posting on my blog for a long while because I am disappointed by it. It isn't what I want it to be. I want to be a talented writer whose words flow magically across the page and enthrall the reader. I want to be a weaver of stories. I want to be a painter of masterpieces. I want people to look at what I create and say "Beauty" in their hearts. I want people to look at me, my words, my art and see light, see God.

Who I am is a little girl who has been deceived into believing she is not good enough. I have bought these lies. I am "not living/working up to my potential." I am not organized enough to juggle it all. I am not healthy enough or strong enough to manage. I am not clean enough. I am not worthy, I have nothing to give, I am not enough. I am not.

These are lies. I am in the process of unbelieving them.


Nici said...

I think there are many of us who, as small children, took criticisms (sometimes intended to be "helpful") very much to heart, to the point where they felt like condemnations. You are not alone; I heard the same messages (and sometimes still do) especially from people in my life who are more linear, more left-brained in their approach to the world. Sometimes the chaos/creativity I conjure up is overwhelming to them, and they don't always put it nicely. But you are so very, very talented, and so very good at writing, and people really see more of the whole, authentic YOU (who you know is in there, if you can coax her out) than you might imagine. Keep on creating beauty, mama!

Anonymous said...

You are special and gifted
You are much loved by many
You are a woman with a great heart
You are a Mother a Wife a Friend
You are a dear part of my Family

Auntie M

Nanette said...

Who you are is YOU, and that is what we love about you. Although our critics (even the one's in our own head) may believe else wise, the "perfect" woman does not exist. I am glad you are un-believing the lies. Listen to your heart, not the critics.